We are in eclipse season shake up. This means that a lot of emotions, energy, and matters for personal and collective reflection will be coming up to be shifted, shared, and transfigured. As we know, this can get pretty deep.
One of the big things that are shifting is the way that we communicate with and hold social space for one another.
I felt it prudent to offer some tips on mindful communication as we enter in to this beautiful season of transformation. Each suggestion in this commentary is based on observations/experiences of our interaction patterns and is offered in the hope that as we learn to communicate with more love, we may bolster feelings of being heard, respected, and included.
1) Owning our Shi(f)t. Our problems do not belong to anyone else and it is not their job to fix them. As we move through the energy transitions some seek an outlet to blame, release, or mirror through/with/on. That pattern externalizes internal process. This solves nothing and drives people away from us. Learning to own our shi(f)t as we go through it not only brings us to a space of self reflection that is valuable, but also helps us stay in positive social conditions which can be important to the healing process.
2) Boundaries are important. If you need to implement one, do it. Saying, "Hey, I need some space and this is why" Is a great way to proceed. If a person implements one with you, respect it. Continuing to contact the person who has asked for the space can often times make the person seeking that distance feel caged in and disrespected. Sometimes scared or harassed. Sometimes we just need a few days! Though our reaction can be to want to smoosh in and get close and 'fix' perceived problems, that can be experienced as really overwhelming to people. Especially those who are strongly energy sensitive. If we are asked to stop and do not, we are only really thinking of our own interests with that pushing and thus inadvertently hurting the people we love.
3) It is not always about you. When a person implements a boundary or asks for space, it is often for their health and well being. Not yours. Sometimes it is for your health and sometimes it is about you. Other times, it is because people simply process things in their own way and time and may have multiple 'things' happening at once. Adding another thing or person to the mix can create meltdowns and feelings of being overwhelmed and/or distract focus.
*When a person like me asks for space, it is so I can do things in a way that will wind up honouring you, me, and/or the situation better than the current conditions. Taking that space is me showing respect for you, me, and the other tasks I have going on at the time.*
The adandoned/hurt wound within many people has coded points 2 and 3 as signs of being pushed away or unloved. As noted above, it often has to do with the person who asked for it needing it for a variety of reasons related to their own health and has nothing to do with abandoning or shutting a person out forever. No matter what goes on, if we approach these instances from that space as opposed to the victim/abandoned state, we are able to live it with more love. (And hopefully act accordingly.) Two of the best lessons I have learned so far are points 2 and 3 and I sincerely hope readers take them to heart.
4) When a person expresses difficult feelings or a part of their truth that is emotional or hard for them to bring up: Listen. Do your very best not to move to spiritual/emotional rhetoric that minimizes what they are expressing in that moment. A great way to support people is giving them space to feel heard. Chiming in with a, "That must be hard. Is there anything I can do to support?" also goes a long way.
*This includes when people are sharing about their pain. The automatic silver lining bringers or the 'it could be worse' does make things worse. Most people I know who choose to share hard feelings have been all over the silver lining already and when they speak, it is from a space of realness and to speak it is a part of their fixing it. As is being heard without censor or minimization. That realness being shut down in expression can feel like a slap in the face. Many of us have been there.*
5) Another person's choice on how to live their life is not a subject for discussion (unless they want it to be). Some of us have felt persecuted because family and friends have made a spectacle of our beliefs, gender expression, and the way we choose to name ourselves. It does not feel good to have to explain the way you live to a person in the form of 'justification'. As we open ourselves to meeting new and different people and new and different ideas, a great hallmark to ask ourselves is, "Would I feel comfortable if a person asked me this question?" If the answer is no, follow that. If the answer is yes, my best advice is to proceed with loving lanaguage and tact. Tact. Tact.
As we move forward, of course we are going to make mistakes and put our feet in our mouths as we work to bring in these more loving forms of listening and allowing people to speak and be heard. What matters is that we put in some honest effort to creating a more truth friendly, understanding space of communication for ourselves and the people we share our lives with.
Please feel free to chime in with your own!!
In loving co-creation,
Image credit: Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash